The 60s, the 70s, the 80s, the 90s... What shall we call this past decade. These past ten years have been basically my life and sooooo much has happened. I have had soo many different influences and people to look up to, most of them turning into disappointments. I've gone through many different phases and they ended faster than they started and then it was on to the next one. I remember how in elementary school I wanted to be a lawyer because you got paid to argue with people. Then I wanted to learn how to play the guitar. I got the guitar, ha ha, I broke two strings and I was done! The next fad was skateboarding; my dad tried to me show some cool moves; he fell in the process and I was through. Then during february vaction of 07, I was browsing through YouTube and I came across a fashion show, it was Louis Vuitton Spring/Summer 2008, it changed my life; hence my craze for Marc Jacobs. I became obsessed! Fashion has been good to me but it also triggered some rather ghastly ways of thinking. And around that time that I figured out what industry I want to work in, a lot of people who were close to me during my early childhood years, decided that it was ok to disappear for a couple of years and come back and BS me and walk out of my life again. I have concluded that I'm better of without them. I've also realised that maybe it be best for me to remove myself from the people who you love the most to repair the realtionships that you have with them that are on the verge of being broken forever. Although these are my beliefs I think that the people to whom I am refering to wouldn't understand what I mean by that statement due to there selfishness! I also don't want to come off as though I am selfish, but then again I am at my breaking point and am sick and tired of trying to please others!
31.12.09
28.12.09
27.12.09
22.12.09
18.12.09
ahaha! so you think i'm arrogant?
the year is almost over and soo much has happened. now that i think about it, not only is the year almost over but also a decade will be passing. this passing decade is preety much my whole life and life has been different lately (meaning the past two or three years). In these past couple of years i have picked up some precarious habits that i once told myself that i would never be reduced to that level to solve a problem that i have been struggled with for most of my life (i guess its true, never say never).
so the term is almost over for school, three more days to be exact. report cards will be distributed after winter holidays. it is safe to safe to say that i will not be recieving honour roll. i am heavily debating if i should seek help from the progenitors. but i keep thinking "wat if they dont help" i mean thats apart of where monsieur monster came from, their lack of help and their words which monsieur monster was more than happy to translate into something else. but then i think ok so if i do get the help that i need and i pour out everything onto the floor, the consequences are... they frighten me. if i really want to get rid of monsieur monster there will be no possible way where i could leave certain subjects in the dark. once they are brought into the light, yeah sure i will feel better, but events would become catastrophical. lives will be moved as though they were books being placed into brand new ikea shelving systems. those lives have been through enough. although i do believe there are better places for them. but there is a tremendous risk involved and i dont want to be responsible for inflicting that upon them. so the question is, do i keep this to myself, sacraficing my well being for that of others who are close to me? and dont get me wrong, i love it when i get treated like a spoiled rotten, arrogant child. i appreciate it a lot... so merci. maybe this is where most of my silent frustration comes from?
17.12.09
14.12.09
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